


Blood

by AgentStannerShipper



Series: tumblr ficlets [39]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Fake Blood, Halloween, M/M, references to percival/lancelot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 00:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17457425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentStannerShipper/pseuds/AgentStannerShipper
Summary: There is a lot of blood (although, to be fair, it's all fake).





	Blood

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “It’s not nearly as bad as it looks.”

The first thing Harry says when Merlin walks through the door is, “It’s not nearly as bad as it looks.”

Merlin really, _really_ wishes he could say that it’s out of the ordinary for him to hear that. The reality is, if he doesn’t hear that sentence, or something akin to it, at least once a week, he starts to get suspicious. Harry is not exactly an idle man.

A good portion of the living room is drenched in blood, and it’s a testament to how well Merlin knows Harry that he doesn’t immediately panic.

“What the hell happened?” he asks calmly. “It looks like you murdered someone in here.”

There’s a great deal of blood on Harry as well. His shirt is more red than the original white, and smears of it are on his face and neck, and a portion of his hair is even plastered to the side of his head. He looks sheepish, “It’s not real blood.”

Merlin takes a step closer, prodding at Harry’s head, neck, and upper torso. There are no wounds. Harry lets him, and when he’s satisfied, Merlin crosses his arms. “If you’re not hurt, and this isn’t your blood, what the hell is it doing all over our living room?”

“I told you,” Harry says. “It’s not real blood.”

“I can see that.” Upon closer inspection, the viscosity is completely wrong for it to be blood, and that Merlin knows that without being a doctor or a crime scene analyst makes him worry for a moment about his chosen profession. Only for a moment, though.

Harry gestures to a bottle in the corner. It’s garishly red (even more so than the stains across the living room floor, sofa, and armchairs) and dribbling liquid from a slit down the side. “It exploded.”

Well, it explains how it got all over the living room, at least. “And you have a bottle of…” Merlin squints at the label, and yes, “fake blood in the living room because?”

“Would you believe I don’t know how it got there?” Harry asks.

Merlin lifts an eyebrow and waits. Harry falters, and then squirms. “Would you believe James gave it to me to hold onto?”

That sounds far more plausible. “Why did James give you a bottle of fake blood?” Merlin asks. That James _has_ a bottle of fake blood is not exactly a surprise to Merlin. Halloween is right around the corner, after all, and James is nothing if not dramatic.

“Alistair is bringing Roxy to stay with them for the time being,” Harry explains, and Merlin’s heart aches a bit. He knows how hard a time Alistair is having right now, and that little girl is one of the only points of light in the knight’s life. “James is trying to toddler-proof the house before she gets there. Locking up chemicals and the like. I don’t think they’re doing Halloween this year, what with…well, you know. Or at least, if they are, it’ll be light enough that blood is not required.”

“Alright,” Merlin says. He can see, logically, how the events transpired from there: James asked Harry if he wanted the bottle, Harry said yes, Harry brought the bottle home, and the bottle exploded all over their living room for some reason. He frowns, “How did it explode?”

“Mr. Pickle bit it.”

It explains why the dog is not tripping Merlin, dancing around his feet looking to be petted. He must be cowering somewhere. “Is he alright?” Merlin asks, although he’s not especially concerned. Mr. Pickle is Harry’s baby. If something had happened to him, Merlin would have gotten a dozen frantic phone calls.

“He’s fine,” Harry says. “Poor boy was absolutely soaked. I rinsed him off as best I could, but we’ll have to take him in to the groomers tomorrow. I was just coming down to finish cleaning up in here when you got home.”

Merlin sighs affectionately. “Why don’t you go upstairs and take a shower, and I’ll clean up down here?” he suggests.

Harry smiles, “I don’t deserve you, darling.”

He goes in for a hug and a kiss, but Merlin keeps him at arm’s length, “I do _not_ want to find out how hard it is to get fake blood out of this jumper. You can have a kiss when you’re clean.”

Harry pouts, “If you really loved me, you’d give me a kiss.”

Merlin rolls his eyes, “If you really loved _me_ , you wouldn’t be asking me to risk my favourite jumper.” But he pecks Harry on the lips and twirls him around, “Now up to shower with you.”

“Love you too, darling,” Harry calls cheekily over his shoulder.

Merlin shakes his head fondly and goes searching for the mop.


End file.
